A Certain Male Septegenarian

A certain previously indicated male senior citizen, quite probably a septegenarian or better, engaged in an action, recreational in nature and unity in value, that was characterized by baubles and bangles, and that was directed against one of my opposable digits. Accompanied by an open-handed slap of a rice field that was associated with the aforementioned baubles and bangles, present as a gift to the canine of your choice a portion of (presumably) a bovine's internal skeletal framework. Said senior citizen, by rotating his corpus about that axis where the angular momentum would be minimal, and having oriented that axis horizontally, returned to the place of his residence.

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